Meditation - Don't Expect Anything!
Many years ago, it seems, I used to be able to meditate.A beautiful, silent, transparent state would arrive from somewhere; I presumed this was meditation.
Now, nothing comes except a racing mind. What happened? The days when you were feeling a kind of meditation happening to you were the days you were not looking for it – it was happening to you. Now you are trying to make it happen, and that makes all the difference.
All things that are really valuable in life only happen; you cannot make them happen, you cannot do them. It may be meditation, it may be love, bliss, it may be silence. Anything that goes beyond your mind is beyond your capacity to do it; you can only do things which come in the territory of mind.
The mind is doer, but your being is not a doer. Your being is just an opening, and a deep acceptance of whatever happens, with no complaint or grudge – just pure rate-fulness. And that, too, is not done by you; that is also part of happening.
Something happens to you – it is so beautiful, blissful – the mind starts immediately desiring that it should happen more, more often, and deeper. The moment mind comes in, it disturbs everything. Mind is the devil, the destroyer. Be aware that mind should not be allowed to interfere in things of the beyond.
Mind is perfectly good as a mechanic, a technician. Give your mind what it can do, but don’t let it interfere in things which are beyond its capacity. One problem is that mind desires for more. As far as the world of doing is concerned, you can have a bigger, better house, furniture – you can do everything better; it is within capacity of mind. But beyond mind…mind can only desire, and each desire is going to be frustrated.
Instead of bringing more meditation, it will bring you more frustration. Instead of bringing you more love, it will bring to you more anger. Instead of silence and peace, it will bring more traffic of thoughts – and that happens to almost everybody. You have to outgrow it. Un-try and un-try again. Whenever the idea of trying arises, immediately drop it. It is going to lead you into failure, frustration… and everybody can drop it, because it never brings anything.
Drop failure, frustration, despair and hopelessness and forget all about meditation. One day, suddenly, you will find a window opens, and a fresh breeze with new rays has filled your heart. Again, don’t commit the same mistake! Be thankful for what is happening, but don’t ask for more – and more will be coming. Slowly, slowly it becomes your heartbeat; waking, sleeping, it is always there, it never goes. But it is not your doing. You cannot brag that ‘‘I have done it.’’ You can only say, ‘‘I have allowed the unknown to do it to me.’’ It is always from the unknown that great experiences enter into our small hearts, and when we are trying hard to get them, we become so tense that the very tension prevents them.
When you are not trying, and you are relaxed – you are not even bothered about meditation and things like that – you suddenly find footsteps of the unknown, something from nowhere, approaching you. Look at it with wonder, not with desire. Look at it with gratitude, but not with greed.
With grace and peace,
Dr. Vickram Adityaa